I’m surprised to hear about the new Beatles song, Now and Then… I hate it because it represents all I dislike about over-processed modern music, but I love it because it’s The Beatles.

Back in 1976, after the band’s breakup, Beatles producer George Martin told Rolling Stone his thoughts about a potential reunion, “What happened was great at its time, but whenever you try to recapture something that existed before, you’re walking on dangerous ground, like when you go back to a place that you loved as a child, and you find it’s been rebuilt… ”

Different moods and times of day bring different reactions. Raging at one idea one minute and embracing it the next – we live in a contradictory world. Opinions [people] will scream themselves hoarse from opposite ends of the spectrum. Sometimes, it’s best to avoid confrontation; other times, welcome the sparks flying and accept the challenge.

Shifting views is not new, and something I’ve embraced about myself and is mirrored in those around me.

Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote: “Suppose you should contradict yourself; what then? …Speak what you think now in hard words, and tomorrow speak what tomorrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradicts everything you said today.”

I sent this quote to a friend last week, as she was humbled by a decision made earlier (against advice) and felt terrible. I loved her openness in telling me, and I shared stories where I’ve done the same or worse. 

It sucks to be wrong initially, but if you adjust, adapt, and continue to move forward – all while ignoring the clash of unhappy voices – often, the wrong morphs into even greater success. The hidden brilliance: gaining experience in a world where hypocrisy rules. I admire people who can work through a messy situation and transform it into something special.

It’s more than intelligence. It’s the ability to stand apart from the crowd, trust intuition, and move where necessary. A sign of creativity. 

Yesterday, I rummaged through an archive of photos taken over the past few years, and a thought struck me: I would likely never view these photos again. If deleted, it would have zero impact on my life.

A terrifying thought as I worked hard for these photos. Yet, it was a refreshing thought, as I’d be free to shoot and write de novo. 

How seamlessly I shuffle between extremes: conflicting thoughts and conflicting actions. I never realized how much this paradox of human nature drives me.

Looking through the photos, I wondered, “Where am I most happy?” One place is deep in the wilderness, surrounded by the silence of a night sky, a  river of stars overhead. The other is deep in the warmth of humanity, surrounded by the laughter of family and friends ricocheting off a beautiful city.

A summary of my soul. One thought one minute and an opposing thought the next. Battling contradictions can strain relationships, especially the ones that take place within the mind. 

The courage to contradict is a part of learning and understanding life. It creates more questions than answers, and as Socrates wrote, the more you learn, the more you realize how little you know.

Photography and writing have been my catharsis over the past few years. Bouncing between globally mandated restrictions, clipping the wings of freedom while blending peacefully with isolation. Freedom to contemplate the world and the swinging inconsistencies of my mind.

Photography allows me to step out and socialize with the world, but peaceful isolation is needed to complete the creative endeavor.

The seduction of color and manipulating light drew me into photography. The synchronicity of this balance clicked, whereas the opposite is true for black and white photography, which I always felt was lifeless. 

Conversely, viewing beautiful B&W images of other photographers has always left me in awe of the magic created by these two simple extremes. A black-and-white world can transport me somewhere I seldom go.

Maybe my past work with statistics and quantitative modeling clicked because of my ability to look for contradictions – paradoxes – both correct in a particular setting but impossible to both be correct at the same point in time.

The beauty of photography is that it doesn’t work this way. Under-exposed photos can work just as well as over-exposed images of the same scene. Unrecognizable to each other, each holding a different emotion. A different beauty. Contradiction drives the process.

One group may prefer high contrast B&W – while another prefers low contrast color. One moment, a contrasting B&W shot may capture the essence; the next moment, it is trash, and its opposite is the chosen one…

What does all this mean? I’m unsure, but I beg you to stay with me…  From my experience, I believe an artist’s creative process is all over the place, triggered by ambiguities. For me, creating a mess of contradictions sucks, but it’s the beginning – it’s how I’m wired. It’s how life works.

When I shoot, I focus on the lighting and color it creates. In processing, it’s the same. B&W images do not enter my mind.

When I view excellent B&W photography, I laugh at how it mocks me – lost in how I could ever create such a shot. My discomfort runs opposite to my appreciation.  

Unfamiliarity with B&W photography pushes me further into the comfort of color photography. It’s similar to breathing. I do not think about it. It just happens. I become consistent with what I am familiar with…

The danger? The next thing I know, I’ve become comfortable with not only color but shooting from one angle, one perspective, and then one style.  Refusing to step out of my comfort zone, I dig deeper into a creative rut.   

As with photography, life is the same. I can find myself shooting the same consistent shots. Beautiful, but there’s a risk of becoming stale and unknowingly painting myself into a corner. Conforming to the same clichéd ideal in my mind, I sink deeper into consistency, become comfortable, and eventually have nowhere else to go. 

“A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines. With consistency, a great soul has simply nothing to do. He may as well concern himself with his shadow on the wall.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson, Self-Reliance: An Excerpt from Collected Essays, First Series

A switch-up is good now and then.

Relish in the courage to contradict yourself. Become aware of how warped a steadfast belief can be in a shifting reality.

To disentangle myself is to embrace paradox. Reality is full of contradictions. Life is messy. 

From all this, I realize I’m obsessed with happiness (Color). I seek it constantly. However, a part of me also savors sadness with equal abandon (B&W). It’s the flip side of what makes life/photography whole. It’s maddening as hell but strangely fascinating at the same time.

Is it a contradiction to love both? 

Every day, a new desire. Flow where my mood gyrates, shifting like the weather. Dwell in the moment, not in the past.

I can’t avoid living a life of contradictions. The rhythmic shifting of views forged my character and continues to drive me forward. The noise and criticism are just background clatter, quickly forgotten when madness comes and new opportunities arise.

I admit it’s easier to keep hold of the past. The older I get, the more I move towards this type of thinking. A desire for things to never change from my perception of the idealistic life. To hold onto this myth, the antiquated status quo. Or worse, try to recreate it, blindly ignoring alternatives and cheer with others of like mind.

A dull, consistent, lesser life.

As time passes, I witness a swiftly evolving world, and within this chaos is the urge to settle. I will, of course, continue to shoot in color but dip my foot into the study of the eloquence of B&W. Just as I’ll continue to listen to alternative rock and expand to appreciate country music further.

Continue to find the edge… and fall into it. Second-guess and live an authentic life beyond dreary, consistent mediocrity. Understanding mediocrity is what I define it to be, just as I can define greatness. Simple, over-achieving greatness…

Side note I: Originally, this post was to be a commentary on the contradictory state of global politics and life… however, photography as a political analogy is much more enjoyable. These days, evolutionary politics is a myth…

Side note II: Also, a shout out to my Mom ~ more than a few of the above photos are from the view outside my Seattle flat… sitting in her orange chair, watching the city’s movement where she grew up going by. ❤️